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käymäänkäymäänkäymäänkäymään

Again one of those days when I realize how lonely I really am.
Trying to avoid thinking that friends are no good just give me that person I could share it all with. I'm putting way too much pressure on a dream and it seems that dream exists merely for keeping me sane since if quite obviously isn't going to come true.
After shedding one tear (how dramatic) I decided to get myself together again.

Yesterday we liberated the second bathroom of our appartment from all the stuff and crap the previous inhabitant had left there. Now we have a red bathroom and a sort-of-white bathroom. I thought I could paper the red toilet's walls with posters from Suosikki-magazines from the sixties. Now I would only need to get some of those magazines from somewhere.

{ There's more! See full article }

Thu 2002-10-31 16:00 in diary No comments #link

Ways of life

What would you answer,
hundred and three years old,
to a twenty-year old reporter
requiring to know the secret
of your high age?

Wed 2002-10-30 11:12 in diary No comments #link

idlip

Wasting time
writing love letters to
the ones I dream of
deciding to work
when there's no time left
working until late
waking up late
supposed to be everywhere
by now

buying clothes with mom
spending some time with friends
for a change
crying my eyes out
she doesn't want me (does she)
but my Lord does (really, a blind guess)
idling the evening
idling my life away.

Tue 2002-10-29 12:05 in poetry No comments #link

fairy

NP: Prozzak - www.nevergetoveryou

Washed the dishes. Finally. They had been there since, umh, Thursday. I hadn't bothered to wash them since my roommate was away all week. He returned yesterday, and we were running out of dishes anyway, so I was outrageously forced to do something about it. </irony>

The other one of my work projects, after being somewhat stuck for a while, started to move on again, because I called the client and asked him what he wanted. It seems both of us had been waiting for the other one to call, or something. Pathetic. Well, at least I won't wait if things quiet down in some other project some day.

This entry was inspired by Soile dear.

Gots to eat now, starving.

Incroyable

Mon 2002-10-28 12:29 in diary 2 comments #link

it's the shape of anything that's round

*jumps around cheering*

I finally made myself study a chapter or two of the data structures course book, which is a rather tiring book to read (perhaps I shall refrain from using the adjective BORING here). Then I took another look of next week's excercises and realized that I understood - if not the answers yet, then at least the questions =).

On Friday, TseiTsei (an IRC pal) told me he's going to find out what's it like in the Saturday Wake up -(youth) evenings in the Tampere pentecostal church. I told him I'd like to join him since I had never been there before, either.

It was fine. Pretty much like a normal Finnish pentecostal mass, I guess - except for the fact that there was a lot of standing and in the morning, my back hurt. Holy Spirit was there though - and although I'm never sure whether I'm relieved or distressed after those happenings, I did feel closer to my Lord.

This morning I woke up when Juha (a.k.a. pikkukristitty) called me. "Are you coming?" "Sure... (looking at the clock - 10.15) umh, but I guess I'm gonna be late". I had promised Juha that I'd be in the mass (which was supposed to start at 11) where Juha's Bible school choir would perform.

Then, half an hour later Juha calls again to remind me that it was actually not yet ten o'clock, due to daylight saving. No one had told me it was today! (wouldn't it be nice if that happened a bit more often than just once a year? =)

Sun 2002-10-27 18:54 in diary No comments #link

A looveli looveli hill

Katri is here. She arrived by train yesterday evening and since then, pretty much everything we've done has been watching TV and making food. I'm not sure I've done anything productive in quite a while but still it feels good to just relax - and that I cannot do alone. Having someone around is sufficient excuse to do absolytely nothing. Due to this idling both me and Katri have been feeling _so_ like it's Saturday, not Thursday! (It's not Saturday, right? Right?)

I bought a sweater (12 €), two spare toothbrushes and a "kuivauslasta", a sort of stick to dry the bathroom floor with.

It's winter.
The first real snow came down today, a real blizzard of a sort. Now a fog has landed and the street lights are reflecting off the snow and it's really beautiful and romantic in a way.

Katri told me that last night, she had a dream of me smoking pot. A moment ago we finished watching a movie, Saving Grace, which heavily romanticized the thought of the usage and selling of marihuana. Before that we saw Half baked, which was about three fellows who smoked a lot of the stuff and this movie ended happily, as well. Okay - - - perhaps it's useless to be cynical in a world like this, but is it really positive to promote drug usage?

Thu 2002-10-24 19:36 in diary 1 comment #link

Midnight all day

I've accomplished nothing today but I don't feel bad about it, at all.

np: Janis Ian - Stars (lyrics)

Going to return my usability course work and perhaps scan some pictures for my new site.

So Opera's new small screen reading technology was actually nothing much?

Tue 2002-10-22 14:56 in diary No comments #link

work and wonder

I've been reading Kierkegaard. Being with Kaisa and Malla a week and a half ago put me thinking about those efforts again. This time it seems I'm actually understanding something of what he's saying. I'm actually trying analyze my Faith by reading a philosopher who claims that thinking won't get me anywhere with my faith =). Well who claimed it would?

Argh. Whatever. I just want to finish at least one book from him.

I've noticed an annoying detail about myself. In the grocery shop I'm often convinced that the salesperson who takes the money for the food I'm buying is criticizing quietly in her/his mind that I'm, again, buing things that are easy to make into something edible, rather than things that would be healthy.

Neurotic.

Spent the day at the restaurant company I work in, updating their website. After that met Jenni and we decided to take some Chinese to go. Jennitys called, we bought some for her, too we went to her place to eat it all.

I'm having one of these rare moments. I'm feeling like I actually can take control of this moment.

But why am I telling you about it?

Mon 2002-10-21 21:19 in diary No comments #link

bellyache

NP: Tuula Amberla - Kotiapulainen

I'm soo tired. Set my alarm clock to ring too early so after taking a shover fell asleep again, setting my alarm clock to ring - again, too early. It rang, I hit "snooze", 9 minutes of sleep, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, "snooze", 9 minutes of sleep ... until half past nine of something. WAY too many times.

This was all I had to whine about right now ;(

Mon 2002-10-21 09:55 in diary No comments #link

She just smiled and held my hand

NP: Pulp - Common People

A lovely song.

Last night I was to a party with Jennitys as I threatened. I kept pretty much sober - most of us didn't, though. We played cards. There were a couple of interesting people and some reasonable conversation, even... we, Jennitys and me, left to my place at 21:55. Talked until 1 am - just the day before I had asked Soile to pray for me since I had seem to temporarily lost my faith completely, and last night we had a longish talk about Christianism and God and... so on.

Today I'm dreaming of building that website but instead, I'm supposed to finish my usability basic course final report.

Sun 2002-10-20 12:38 in diary No comments #link

Lazying off

Whatever the title means, it's descriptive to the current atmosphere.

Yesterday evening and this morning was spent furnishing my new site. I've been sprinkling small drawn icons all around the site to make it just a bit less text-only. I still have to make pages for most of the graphics, organize the part of the site about my faith and I'm planning to rebuild my cv. Having huge trouble because of the IE6 guillotine bug.

A party this evening. I know no one except for Jenni in the party. We'll see...

Sat 2002-10-19 13:55 in diary No comments #link

Winter-Winterland

Tired by work (I haven't done that much)
Admired by few (though the ones who critisized had more of a point)
Fighting for my faith (though I can hardly talk about it face to face to anyone)
Looking for love (I hope it's looking for me, too)
Not following any dreams (they don't seem to come true, either)

It's been a bit of a cold day.

Fri 2002-10-18 17:37 in diary No comments #link

Stairs

I just came home.
It takes approximately 81 steps to get from the bottom-most floor of my house to the fifth floor, where I live.

Stress on the word 'approximately' since the stairway was dark and I refused turn the lights on before the forth floor where I got bored.

Wed 2002-10-16 16:25 in diary No comments #link

It's too late and I'm still awake

My greatest achievement for the day was to wash two weeks of laundry. I did actually cook, too. Not bad but not that good, either. I guess I'm expecting too much since I've not cooked that much in my entire life.

I have ten versions of the song "Ain't no sunshine", from ten different artists, on my playlist. Currently I'm trying to decide which is the best one. The song is going on a CD I'm planning to give as a present to Katri. She turned twenty today and naturally I had to forget to call her - I remembered a couple of minutes ago and sent her an SMS.

I've incredibly unsatisfied with my life lately. Too bad the moment I start to think rationally I have nothing to complain about. Comparing to just about anyone my life's great.

Wed 2002-10-16 00:40 in diary No comments #link

Not for the cynical minded

I need someone to save me
Lord, do I need it now more than ever!
Is there anything I could need more in my life
a personal saviour I could actually touch?

I've never prayed for this before
Could I ever ask for something to replace you?
Or would it be like asking you to create that rock,
too heavy for you to lift?

Lord, is this girl I'm dreaming of
a version of you incomplete enough
to be understood by a simple mind,
like mine?

But lord, correct me if I'm wrong...
if she'd be enough to fill my universe
There wouldn't be any room in my heart,
left for you would there?

Tue 2002-10-15 23:41 in poetry 1 comment #link

Ewh da mornin'

The seemingly endless stream of absolutely irrelevant titles (I just visited Ali G's site... ewh...)

Weekend: Kaisa's home warming party in Jyväskylä on Friday. Enjoyable, met some peepl I'd last met at least a couple of months ago. Samuel!!!! Toukka!!!! Jouni!!!! Not a big party but cozy. I kept busy taking fancy in someone on Friday and dreaming and then taking fancy in someone else on Saturday evening.

On Saturday evening we took part in a youth evening in a local church. It was unusual, since it was more like a small party or a gettogether. There were perhaps 15 of us, the first hours were spent playing a board game called 'Alias' (I just watched, though). Then we sang some hymns and read some Bible (which I still don't know my way around in =/ ). Discussion arose of whether the Lutheran church masses have the Holy Spirit as strong in them as in other churches' masses. Some of the local people decided to start keeping some kind of youth masses in town since, well, there have so far been none.

My faith was strong, then it was weak, then it was strong again.

On Saturday Malla, Kaisa's cousin and a friend of the both of us, decided to start messing with my hair. That caused me, strangely enough, to decide to shave this beard of sorts I've had for about half a year now. So now I've lost my beard.

Websites (in Finnish):
Kaisa (completely inactive at the moment as I've understood)
Malla
Toukka
Samuel used to have a website but it seems to not exist right now.

Mon 2002-10-14 10:00 in diary No comments #link

The moment when he stopped caring

It was a usual Monday evening; furthermore, the evening had passed to its later moments. Good, decent people were asleep already, and he was, as usual, wrestling with his usual concerns: He had not yet managed to get anything done. Nothing; nothing! The day had passed on the wings, which were indeed capable of attaining incredible velocities; but this he already knew. He also knew numerous other things and had achieved in his life things, most people would probably not dare to dream of. Nothing of extraordinary spectacularity but still, remarkable things for an individual raised in a bourgeoisie family in a green wooden house just outside town.

Once again, the man got lost in his thoughts. He dreamed of the following day. His day would begin at ninish when his alarm clock would sound; a gentle, yet loud jingle that would probably wake up a horse. Within an hour the phone would start to ring again so he'd be busy carrying out his morning chores. The next twenty minutes he would spend in the lovely company of a shaving razor and other toilet facilities. Then he would get dressed and eat some breakfast. Marmalade. Toast. Some tea. An apple, stolen from the neighbour's tree a few days ago (nobody seemed to have noticed). And finally, a chocolate treat. Tomorrow's treat would be the last one in the box; Wednesday was the day he usually acquired his candy on and they would run out in a week.

He snapped out of his dreams as he heard someone banging on the door: "Who on earth could it be at this hour", he muttered to himself as he gathered himself, took one of his robes and rushed to the hallway. Before he reached the door it was violently molestered again and he started to talk, again, to himself: "If the visitor truly is that hostile to my door, I can't imagine what he might do to my vulnerable corpse. Perhaps I should just pretend there's no one here, after all it is after midnight."

He carefully snuck back to the hallway but didn't notice the rubber elephant someone had left in the stairs. He slipped on the elephant and fell on his back on the floor. Still a bit dizzy, he heard the door being slammed open - obviously the shock was a bit too much for him, so he fainted.

Tue 2002-10-08 01:06 in poetry No comments #link

relaxed

Feeling rather peaceful. Eepa said she's coming over tomorrow. Hopefully she's not making too much of a compromise on her schedule.

Been trying to do data structure course exercises all day - however, I'm lacking motivation. At least I was out for a long jog in the forenoon, so I can tell myself I'm satisfied.

Supposed to get that Linux box running someday, doesn't look good since I can't even seem to get that old WinNT connected on the bloody network... =/

The new version of the site has developed quite a lot today since I can't seem to force myself to do anything else.

Mon 2002-10-07 23:21 in diary No comments #link

unmotivated by definition

A week or two ago I wrote this strange little piece of text. As I was writing it I loved it, then later I didn't think it was much good. I read it again now and at least it has a certain atmosphere if nothing else...

Feeling so empty. I guess it would be good to have just someone next to me.

{ There's more! See full article }

Mon 2002-10-07 14:45 in poetry No comments #link

Tampere, Tammerfors

Spent my weekend in Helsinki. Katri and I celebrated an anniversary; ate in a restaurant called Omenapuu (Finnish; "Apple tree") and saw a movie, Insomnia. Wasn't much of a movie. Not bad either, though. It kept the excitement up quite well.

Installed Zonealarm on mom's computer, deleted couple of hundred megabytes worth of files in temp directories.

Sun 2002-10-06 22:26 in diary No comments #link

An article about the job titled "web designer"

What does a front end web developer do?

Found an IMNSHO good article of what it is to be a webmaster. This link was provided to me by the [WD] digest mailing list, which I'm growing fond of more and more every time I read it.

Thu 2002-10-03 15:04 in visual 4 comments #link

usabilititity-y

My hand hurts but my urge to write beats the pain.

Not that I have anything to say, tho'.

Before I give you any more links, I want to tell you that from now on, every link on this blog (and in the future, in the whole site) opens in the same window unless you specifically click "open in new window". (Technical reasons; xHTML 1.0 Strict doesn't support that attribute and the next version of this site uses that DTD)

9.00-10.50 Healthcare

10.50 French homework... I actually did (most of) it

13-15 France lessons - were just boring

15-17.30 Wandering around Tampere, taking a huge stress of the upcoming usability test and not being able to think about the present I'm supposed to buy Katri

18.00-19.45 Usability tests
As it happens we had not much to stress about. We had two wonderfully nice test people (or am I anyway supposed to say test persons?) and they were not too good at using the service so we got more than enough material - that is, the system, Luukku.com has more than enough usability problems.

From 19.45 to until just about this moment we chatted with Malakai, the second test person we had. He was kind enough to drive me home and he explained a lot about the place he studies in, and it sounded too much fun - I want to do that kinds of things too!

Now my hand is hurting too much ;)

Wed 2002-10-02 20:28 in diary No comments #link

acquiesce

Just arrived from the university healthcare centre. The nurse told me to decrease computer usage (yeah, right) and gave me ergonomics instructions and a wrist support thingy which I wear around my wrist.

My dictionary tells me that the English word for "alistua" is acquiesce (give in). Somehow I feel very submissive right now.

Wed 2002-10-02 10:51 in diary No comments #link

jännettuppitulehdus

Don't you just love that word? The Finnish language at its best.

I have what they call "mouse hand" in Finnish slang. It's a stress injury, which makes your wrist hurt. It's caused by excessive unergonomic computer usage. Anyone who's seen me use my computer can tell you that I simply cannot sit ergonomically. It's probably due to the fact that I don't do much sports and my desk is too high and so on.

I'm aching for closeness right now. Someone next to me. Arggh.
The next version of pilpi.net is advancing slowly...

Tue 2002-10-01 23:38 in diary No comments #link

Everyday whine

Again, been wondering bout where am I going and what am I doing with my life (it must be tiring to read about this again and again).

Last night before falling asleep I wrote some things in my beloved notebook. Currently, as I'm living "alone" in this student appartment, there's not much to control my doings - which results to me doing not much at all. If I had a girlfriend, maybe... but no, I cannot imagine how would a girlfriend fit into the scheme. And in other aspects I hardly can believe this to be a solution to the problem in other ways than emphasizing the problem so that I would need to find a solution more urgently. Still, I don't think such a solution would be permanent.

If I started amateur theatre as a hobby I could perhaps learn to control my body, my gestures and my motions better. I'd also like to start to take dance lessons, as I've mentioned a number of times.

As an attempt to make this entry more than 100% pure whining, I'd like to mention, again, that I really really like my new layout =) (and hope I'll get it published someday).

Tue 2002-10-01 12:04 in diary No comments #link