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kuivia satsumanpaloja

Kaikki, mitä et halunnut tietää Liisasta ja kanista

Tämän lisäksi oli yksi sivu, joka oli kaunis, mutta josta en puhunut valossa.

Hassua, kuinka sitä tulee muutoinkin elettyä hämärämmässä, kun poistuu Ryttylästä. Pidän mustasta, pidän vahvasta kontrastista, pidän pimeästä, mutta en ole siinä uskottava. Ehkäpä, ehkäpä pimeässä käymisessä on jopa jotain tervehdyttävää, mutta sitten taas ei.

Nukkumaan. Aikaisin ylös, kun on sunnuntai. (???)

Sun 2004-11-28 00:45 in links No comments #link

web puke

Testing my Mambo installation, installing components, mambots etc. The main problems still seem to be the unintuitive admin interface / content management ideology / concepts and their relationships, which are not very well explained anywhere. Also, the fact that URLs are not human friendly by default (for example index.php?option=com_content&task=blogsection &id=4&Itemid=43) but one has to use plugins to achieve decent URLs seems to result in quirky solutions while using menus etc. There's no excuse for the CMS system architecture to show in the URLs, which are a part of the user interface of the system. See W3C: Managing URIs

Been taking a half hour morning prayer/contemplation walk nearly every morning this week, and it shows. The brain seems to function, umm, more. I feel alive.

Thank you so much God for taking such good care of me. Hope I won't turn my back in the times things aren't so well.

Sat 2004-11-27 14:31 in tech No comments #link

sincher

Apparently, I don't do much thanking God in my last week's entries. Shame, since we were told that the "action week" of telling people about Jesus might be the most rewarding week and should teach one much about God. Or something.

Actually, I don't feel I learned that much about God. I did get much courage to talk in front of people, but about spiritual development... no, can't say. Perhaps God did it without me noticing. One fact did clear up even further: there's something that still doesn't feel quite honest about my faith.

I've learned about the "phenomenon" somehow so that I can say the previous sentence, but in essence I don't really know what that something, which makes me feel so, is. It might be the fact that the natural person isn't even supposed to understand the value of the gospel. It might be that I'm so full of sin that even though Christ lives in me, it's only natural that until I get out of this world there will still be doubt left in me. There still are two different major ways to view the world living in me, and for one of them believing in Jesus just doesn't seem to work.

It's funny though that simultaneously I'm learning to trust God in a lot more comprehensive way, one might say. It really is about bringing all my worries and businesses to God in prayer and just trust that He will take care of it.

Reading Ole Hallesby's book Fra Bønnens verden (1927) in Finnish, to be exact, the newer translation: Rukouksen ihmeellinen maailma.

Tue 2004-11-23 15:37 in diary No comments #link

mistä tuntee se ystävän

I'd like to say something. Desperately. I'm tired, but happy, since I got my time in the spotlight for today. Okay, quite a few times, but this last time felt mm, good.

Did the sketchboard thing in a youth night at Ylitornio congregation house. Since there was one girl who didn't speak Finnish, told the story in English. And now that my ego is huge and about to blow up because of that, I seem to be forgetting about our hosts for the evening: Outi and Ilkka. They did it in their usual way of plain greatness (okay, I have no clue about Ilkka's usual, since I only met him yesterday).

Been planning a new version of this site for maybe a year now. I still have no coherent plan, only some scattered thoughts.

Fri 2004-11-19 20:37 in diary No comments #link

Mourn

The right to complain reserved. I AM SO TIRED!

Just writing about it, or, for that matter, seems to help. So here comes a flood of... well, um, complaints.

I'm also in Ylitornio (above Tornio; map), which is in freaking Lapland and it's COLD (17° C the last time I checked). The people are very kind, though.

The last day of our "action week" (aktio) is halfway through. For some strange reason, which I call God, the sketchboard (something like the board presented here) story that I told for the 5^th graders went fine. One of the kids even said twice during the storytelling that it (the sketchboard) was way cool (my translation). Still, after that, I went back to the state of near-unconsciousness I was in during the high school lesson we were on before that.

After those lessons we visited Sweden. I bought some berry soda, but it sucked.

Fri 2004-11-19 14:21 in diary No comments #link

"Isänkädelläsi"

Joo ei jaksa (=. Ylitorniossa. Tänään oli tarhavierailu ja ala-astevierailu. Sketchboard minulla molemmissa. Sitten vielä vanhainkotivierailu, jossa olin vain draamassa ja rukouksessa mukana. Olen edelleen ihan ihmeissäni siitä, kuinka kaksi aktiotiimistämme osaa tehdä puheita ja lyhyellä varoitusajalla.

Vaikka täällä on pärjätty hyvin, en tiedä, olenko enää lähdössä uudelle aktioviikolle keväällä vaikka raamattulinjalle jäänkin. Ei tunnu minun hommaltani, ainakaan vielä. On varsin tyhmää, kun oma usko ei ole vieläkään riittävän selkeä - en haluaisi puhua ihmisille Jumalasta, ennen kuin se tuntuu ehdottoman rehelliseltä.

Ollaan kaikki ihan väsyneitä. Mulla on aivot ai-van seis tällä hetkellä. Kiitos kaikista rukouksista, kunnia Jumalalle ja välillisesti mm. Ryttylässä toimivalle rukoustiimille. Ei oltas pärjätty ilman, todellakaan.

Oon ottanu paljon kuvia, vois harkita laittaa niitä johonkin. Lauantaina Tampereelle nopeasti Hankkua <3 ja Tseitseitä ainakin, Sunnuntaina takaisin Rydeen.

Thu 2004-11-18 18:05 in nettis No comments #link

Aktio

Ollaan tää viikko oltu neljän hengen porukalla aktioviikolla (kuuluu Kansanlähetysopiston Raamattulinjan ja Teologisen linjan opintoihin) Oulussa Anssin, Minnan ja Outin kanssa. En todellakaan olis uskonu, että pystyn puhumaan parikymppisten opiskelijoiden, yläasteikäisten ongelmanuorten tai oikeastaan edes esikouluikäisten lapsien edessä uskonasioista ja Jumalasta.

Kaikki meistä ovat saaneet touhuta ja puhua ja olen kovin kiitollinen, että juuri tämän porukan kanssa sain lähteä. Tai no, minun osuuteni opiskelijaillassa maanantaina oli lähinnä esitellä Frank Dietzin meille Ryttylässä opettamaa työkalua, jolla omaa maailmankuvaa saa hahmotettua. Kaikki ryhmät olivat parin-kolmenkymmenen hengen kokoisia.

Yläasteikäisille näytettiin Nuorten Maailma -video ja näyteltiin pieni draama. Outi piti mahtavan puheen ja on ollut muutenkin pitämässä hommaa kasassa hienosti, nyt olis tarkotus yrittää vähän aktivoitua minun (meidän muidenkin?) vielä vähän enemmän. Tänään oltiin esikoulussa, oli laululeikkejä ja minä käytin ekaa kertaa elämässäni Sketchboardia julkisesti ja vedin tarinan tuhlaajapojasta.

Kivaa on ollut, vaikka toisaalta rankkaa: mielialat vaihtelee ja eilen minulla oli taas tavanomainen "uskonkriisi", mutta Jumala näyttää kantavan ja vahvasti. Tänään levätään ja illalla pitäisi vetää miestenkerhoa. Torstai-iltana lähdetään Ylitornioon.

Wed 2004-11-17 11:23 in nettis No comments #link

Firefox 1.0

Firefox 1.0 is out. Get it if you haven't. Really. Thanks (=.

Wed 2004-11-10 08:44 in tech No comments #link

he sen jälleen tietävät

I'm currently enjoying my life in many ways I've never gotten to enjoy before. My greatest anxiety is a deep longing to find "the perfect world view", the truth in other words, and the frustration of seeing people around me living plain foolishly in a way or another (or suffering without a good reason I could grasp). In my current life situation I have time to pray and search, however, so I'm happy in that sense, too.

I have loads of reasons to believe that I've already found a big glimpse of what I'm looking for (Jesus Christ), but as I don't seem to understand enough of it to spread the good word, there's still lots of something to grasp or find I guess.

There was this thought. It's strange that life's one big search. Without the understanding that real life begins after this one, in heaven, it's pretty incomprehensible that each individual has to keep on searching and searching in this world in order to find something real. Most things that actually matter in this world are just something you have to search and learn and just that searching and learning might easily take a lifetime, so when is there going to be time to use all that understanding about life one might have achieved at the age of, say, 70?

It's hard for me to imagine what it's like to be a Christian who doesn't search anymore (though I have no problem accepting the fact that not everyone needs nor should be searching all the time =)... growing in and with Christ is such a big thing for me. I want to develop and grow, that's one of my greatest longings, at least right now. ... I have a feeling I said something I shouldn't have.

Been listening to Baumanin perhe last week. Namely, the song Hiutaleiden alla.
Like it, muchly. Greetings to Dani (=.

Sun 2004-11-07 03:29 in diary No comments #link

ristin luona ainoastaan

Short but sweet, last two days: departure from the seemingly stressful Ryttylä, fun with Hankku and Elina, Juha's (TseiTsei) baptism, dad's 50^th birthday party (or actually, dad's 1^st birthday party, but he turned 50). Loved most of it, though each meeting had its own anxieties.

Some people have been telling me they read this journal, idle as it seems to be these days. Strange. Too bad I had to disable commenting on posts as there was way too much comment spam.

It seems that there's a gap between biblical faith and what I call philosophy. Discussing whether or not God exists doesn't per se touch Christianity at all (since it's a presupposition that He does). On the other hand, one can, in ethics, evaluate the values of the Bible. Still, the gap seems to be there. What's left inside Christianity is then called theology, I guess. Did I miss something?

One of the guests at dad's party, Seppo if I recall his name, asked me whether I'd found what I had been looking for in Ryttylä (the Bible school I'm in). I found myself a bit troubled by the question, being incapable of answering in any coherent manner. I told him that it's been really rewarding. But where have I actually gotten? I've gotten much courage to talk in front of lots of people, though that is still not my thing. I've found answers to many questions about the Bible. Still, I'm often very doubtful about what the Bible says, and I have severe difficulty in talking about my faith to non-Christians in real life. On the other hand, most of me is feeling better than in the time before Ryttylä, and it's obvious that there's something fundamentally healthy in how people think, live and interact in that place. At least that is obvious.

Anyway, I felt a need to start looking for the most essential questions rather than doing everything all the time. Back to the basics, or something. Decided that some kind of a summary about what each of the books of the Bible contain might be useful in reaching for the big picture. Like some kind of a more detailed table of contents. Already found something but still looking.

At the moment, I'm less conscious about God than I've been in a while. Still, I feel that at least in moments like this, it doesn't have to mean that I'm further away from Him. I'm quite thankful, though the following week may prove rather stressful, too.

Tomorrow, I will praise Him, in some way I don't yet know about too well. (=

Sun 2004-11-07 01:58 in diary No comments #link