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(yesterday)

I woke up something after 4 AM, which, at least for me, is insanely early. Don't really know why.

Anyway, it was nice after all. Everything is so quiet... I started organizing some old papers, I've started to get a bit lost in all the printed material pouring on me from all directions. Among other things, I found two pieces of paper containing a French lesson, which I then enjoyed reading through—oh no, I haven’t lost my appetite for French after all. Maybe I should take a holiday in Taizé this winter? I've been planning for too long to take a year of studies somewhere they speak French. So far, it just hasn't worked out, and it seems, won't, at least before I finish my bachelor's degree. Too many things might change before getting there, somewhere around Spring 2008.

Yesterday I watched the Ingmar Bergman movie Sommarlek. Someone compared her him to the Finnish director Aki Kaurismäki. Though in general I don't understand movies all that well—at least not on a very analytical level—I personally didn't see much of a connection, apart from the fact that also this movie used silence quite a bit for emphasis. Anyway, I Iiked the movie, much thanks to the overwhelming character of Marie (played by Maj-Britt Nilsson).

At work, things advance at a slow pace. I'm getting a bit impatient about finishing my current project. Yesterday, I spent about four hours in meetings. Part of that was actually the startup meeting of the project course, which was, um, interesting. We will see how that will turn out.

For the weekend, I am heading to Helsinki to see the family, and to finally get my digital camera back now that dad has fixed it. I bet all my rechargeables have died already though since I haven't used them in a long while :/.

At the time of publishing this, I’m already at my mother’s place. I configured eggdrop and played pioneers (with Iikku and Elina) till late last night.

Sat 2006-10-21 11:19 in diary 1 comment #link

empty people

I'm frustrated, and tired. There's not enough profound, real interaction in my life somehow, something one could feel at home in. The Finnish Autumn can get awfully lonely at times, the social culture isn't one of the easiest. There are lots of people in my life, and in a sense I've no reason to complain -- just that there's nothing permanent. There are people who I like to confront and show what I am to, but everything's just occasional. You go to someone and feel good about actually being capable of really interacting with them, talking about whatever is deep -- or isn't -- but then, sooner than later, you get worried about crossing whatever kinds of boundaries. It doesn't seem I'm allowed to rest anywhere. That's what a deeper relationship has come to mean to me: rest. A place where you can just stop, where you need not show anything to anyone.

There's one clearly good development in my current life: I've started to excercise in some ways. We've been to a Boogie Woogie course with Elina, I've still biked to and back from school on most of the days (~8 km one way), and I've even managed to play sähly (a loose version of floorball) with the folks at work sometimes.

But generally, it's just so friggin' lonely. Not that I should complain, since even that is temporary.

Thu 2006-10-12 18:55 in diary 4 comments #link

them people, them interfaces, them enormous agonies, that love of Christ

It's been a long week. Today, I've been designing and putting into action a user/usability test (it always surprises me how many usability problems you just don't notice yourself as a developer), playing Settlers of Catania and LocoRoco at TseiTsei's, and trying to catch up lots of things I haven't had time for. In theory I'm very lonely, but many different people seem to appear unexpectedly in my days and that keeps me alive.

Thu 2006-10-05 21:20 in diary No comments #link