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Faith Matters (True.)

Stayed awake until too late last night editing and publishing the photos from Japan and the related blog entry. Today has been very slow, but luckily I got invited by Outi to Exit's 20-year celebration concert, and later went for an evening tea to see Elina (majoran), who's a LARP widow for the weekend. The concert awoke quite a few thoughts, and Elina helped me to make sense into the social work minor studies I'm trying to get started with.

For years I've felt I'm somewhere in between in my faith in Jesus, and can't seem to come into as many conclusions as some more eager Christians. Can't seem to get deep enough into the Bible, in order to be as convinced as many Christians seem to be, whom I respect for their wisdom. I'm coming into the conclusion that I need to understand, or at least process questions related to how Christianity affects society. I guess this is somehow an apologetic question for me: Though it doesn't go to the core of questions of faith, I seem to need to see this through before daring to invest more into the faith I've seemingly accepted for years. A big part of me has, and does accept all the wisdom and love (and indeed, wisdom about love) I've received, but somehow my faith is still half-hearted.

I haven't found a good wording for what I need to learn, but the point is that Christianity has been an influential part of especially "Western" world for centuries: sometimes (most of the time, assuming that God was involved) the influence has been good. Still, as also things like the crusades and violent fundamentalism are associated with believers, I would want to somehow learn to assess risks, on at least some kind of a pseudoscientific level. For instance, what usually happens on a longer term when lots of people are evangelizing or accept faith, what are the consequences? We assume that people will grow in and with Jesus, and surely they do (I seem to have) — but what else happens. How much damage is there from too simple thinking which explains the everything only on a spiritual level, for instance? How has spiritual violence, even just between individuals, been handled during the centuries past?

I'm also very much afraid that I may not have what it takes to get a hold of this question, in this life where there seems to be little time to concentrate on almost anything. I do very much need prayer.

Sun 2007-09-23 00:41 in diary No comments #link

Every Bunny Needs Some Bunny

Came from Tokyo a week ago (also photos now online). Below are the assorted ramblings from the trip, written mostly last week's Saturday the 15th. The title of the posting is a writing on a t-shirt I saw in Tokyo (no, I couldn't get it with me, someone was wearing it). By the way Bemmu is planning to have a similar trip next year, if you're interested.

On the morning of the day we flew, my mom called me that there's a Typhoon in Japan. I got a bit scared but nevertheless we took off. Once we arrived to Narita airport, the Typhoon was said to already have passed Tokyo. I misplaced my passport for a while but eventually found it in a wrong pocket. A bit later, the airport loudspeaker announced some flight being late, "we are sorry for any convenience". Welcome to the land of Engrish.

{ There's more! See full article }

Sat 2007-09-22 04:34 in diary 2 comments #link

funky sick heet stick rickin' my fig of the apple tree

I've gotten too much, there's too much to do too many lazy dreams to fulfill, the mind (nor the skin) doesn't really keep up with all the excitement and such many things to remember. Tomorrow Japan, today my new flat with new paint and new friends everywhere. My room is a mess but happily there's room, shared room, with some smiles at times, with not that much extra stuff lying around. Public space at daytime, I find it exciting, not tired of it yet. 

The body dries up and responds with a less cozy Autumn flu, there was a moment recently of being very amused by Suenne. This browser is too slow and, but life goes by too quickly to grasp, perhaps it'll stop for a while in Tokyo, I hear it is warm and that's good, I'm cold.

If there was someone I could miss. So here you go, another posting full of useless nostalgia. So here I go anticipating expectations and not really bothering being myself. Here I go, spending the night up to keep jet lag a bit less intrusive, I don't think I've experienced jet lag before anyway. And no, humankind really shouldn't fly planes these days, they just pollute too much. But the land of the strange people it will be, and well who is so strange now, and could this one time be forgiven? ("You're not alone in the plane are you!")

It seems the whole world around me is somehow in love with Japan, hype hype hype, and I feel small, just looking for small experiences, hoping to see peace in at least someone's eyes, and why go to Japan for that? And the flu is getting better day by day but is it fast enough will I see my last hours somewhere above Siberia, or will the plane even go above that Siberia?

Don't you see, the world is too full of facts, not that many things make a difference and it would ease everybody's information overload if it was more quiet, if people were less obsessed with all kinds of useless facts, egos and images. Sure I am, more than many.

So here I go, regretting people equals girls I've not had the strength to ask for coffee or whatever. So many people actually bother to be friendly, to look in the eyes and ask, how was it for you, did it go okay? And I'd like to ask them about ordinary things, but I go by, I'll be silent, I'll have an excuse to go on with the daily routines (I'd break them anyway). It really is surprising that people are often quite warm, at least those who are smart enough to realize that being cynical is the worst sickness you really can get infected with.

And then there was God. I was hoping he'd smile, and I'd believe. 

Wed 2007-09-05 23:35 in diary No comments #link