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Sick, Tired et al.

I'm frustrated, can't say I'm sick or tired since I'm neither. But sick and tired I am, of these zillions of perspectives and discourses which flow through me and it's just the way it is we can't avoid but being everything at once and nothing at all, nothing, *zip*. Looking for people and finding lots of them. Yet, I'm not sure if I'm really even supposed to find anyone specific, maybe I'm just learning more about them in general as we go, or about myself. There are bits and pieces of hope along the way, though. Getting detached of that old thing I (we) had, realizing I'm perhaps a lot more than I thought I could be.

Believing a lot in such a quiet God, Getting Things Done, not too many of them but still I'm coping. I've danced, I've slept a lot, and tomorrow morning I have a time reserved at nine a.m. for the barber shop next door (literally). I've watched people living their lifes, meeting people and expressing attitudes, slowly I've stopped being so afraid of all this social mumbo jumbo, as they say. Meeting a Friend tomorrow and Another but wondering if I'll be capable of really confronting, listening, honest expression, though of course nothing is demanded of anyone, ever.

And I'm flying, just floating through, though not distant, perhaps not quite distant enough.

Thu 2007-10-25 14:30 in diary No comments #link

unbound

Tonight I am free. For once I remember a glimpse of what an incredible freedom Christ has given me, an intuition which I will surely forget again and again. It is about how little my own weakness means in the big picture — the weakness, which, for me, seems to be too overwhelming most of the time to handle. How little any moral standards mean for a believer, however right for us they may be, and however important it may be to still keep hold of them, for a start to have life make any sense at all, and to keep us humble before God.

How I wish people would stop to think that Christianity has anything at all to do with being morally superior to anyone else — believers will simply  never be that.  We can just point at the light: this way, look here, this way, is the light: Jesus Christ. 

And tomorrow, or on the day after, I will wonder what it was, again doubting everything.  I may even be ashamed of my faith again. The same old story all over again.

Sun 2007-10-21 00:50 in diary No comments #link