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Faith Matters (True.)

Stayed awake until too late last night editing and publishing the photos from Japan and the related blog entry. Today has been very slow, but luckily I got invited by Outi to Exit's 20-year celebration concert, and later went for an evening tea to see Elina (majoran), who's a LARP widow for the weekend. The concert awoke quite a few thoughts, and Elina helped me to make sense into the social work minor studies I'm trying to get started with.

For years I've felt I'm somewhere in between in my faith in Jesus, and can't seem to come into as many conclusions as some more eager Christians. Can't seem to get deep enough into the Bible, in order to be as convinced as many Christians seem to be, whom I respect for their wisdom. I'm coming into the conclusion that I need to understand, or at least process questions related to how Christianity affects society. I guess this is somehow an apologetic question for me: Though it doesn't go to the core of questions of faith, I seem to need to see this through before daring to invest more into the faith I've seemingly accepted for years. A big part of me has, and does accept all the wisdom and love (and indeed, wisdom about love) I've received, but somehow my faith is still half-hearted.

I haven't found a good wording for what I need to learn, but the point is that Christianity has been an influential part of especially "Western" world for centuries: sometimes (most of the time, assuming that God was involved) the influence has been good. Still, as also things like the crusades and violent fundamentalism are associated with believers, I would want to somehow learn to assess risks, on at least some kind of a pseudoscientific level. For instance, what usually happens on a longer term when lots of people are evangelizing or accept faith, what are the consequences? We assume that people will grow in and with Jesus, and surely they do (I seem to have) — but what else happens. How much damage is there from too simple thinking which explains the everything only on a spiritual level, for instance? How has spiritual violence, even just between individuals, been handled during the centuries past?

I'm also very much afraid that I may not have what it takes to get a hold of this question, in this life where there seems to be little time to concentrate on almost anything. I do very much need prayer.

September 23, 2007 00:41 in diary

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